Yay me! I made it to my spin class this morning! I was only there for an hour, but an hour was enough to get a good workout and be reminded of every single thing that bugs the crap out of me!
This location is the red-headed step child of the 24 Hour Fitness (ahem) family. It was formerly the Sports Connection. When 24 Hour bought it and dubbed it a “Sport” club (that’s supposed to be the best kind with the best stuff) one would think that upgrades were on the way. No? Oh, OK, well routine maintenance on the equipment that’s already there, right? No? Oh, OK well, then this is a silly question… um, what are you doing with my dues…?
An open letter to the Powers That Be. (in no particular order)
My Bitch List:
Spin bikes: If they were hand-me-down bikes from another club when we got them more than 4 years ago, shouldn’t we spring for some new ones? If you can no longer repair these rusted, squeaky, rickety bikes because “they don’t make parts for them any more” I think we should get new bikes… because the Scotch tape and bubble gum you’re using to hold them together isn’t working anymore. (BTW – I no longer believe you that our new bikes are in a storage facility, waiting to be shipped to us. There is no Area 51.)
Hey! By the way! I do want to thank you for spending the money to put a Starbucks Coffee Station in the weight room. I think that’s what everyone craves after a strenuous work out: a hot cup of joe. Idiots.
Treadmills & Ellipticals: Have you noticed that these are incredibly popular machines? Yes? Then why are so many broken down? Also, why are all of your employees waiting by the door, hoping for a new member, instead of helping out the members you already have?
Rules: Please enforce your own rules. You guys posted the “20 Minute Limit on Cardio when there is a line”signs everywhere. Don’t tell anyone, but when someone on a treadmill has covered the time read-out info with their towel? They’ve gone over the 20 minutes and are ignoring the people waiting in line. They’re cheating. If your employees aren’t aware of this tactic, they are headless. If they do, why don’t they help? Really, is it fair that I have to be the Gym Policeman? I have no problem doing so, but I guarantee you it won’t be nice and diplomatic if I have to do it.
the Cleaning Guy. I’ve heard that there is a crew that does nothing but paint the Golden Gate Bridge. They start at one end and paint their way over to the other side. Once they get there it’s time to start over again. Um, is that what Cleaning Guy does, but with the mirrors? Why did you only arm him with Windex? Why not a vacuum, a mop, some anti-bacterial cleaner and some rags? I once counted 38 days that a dusty bobby pin was on the floor in the spin room. Why are there dust bunnies in the Group Exercise room that are the size of tennis balls?
Those are just a few of the things that 24 Hour Corporate should fix.
I have some other issues that could have only been fixed by proper parenting and/or birth control.
- Did you sweat all over the equipment? See people carrying around those white terrycloth rectangles? It’s called a towel. You use it to wipe down the equipment after you’ve rubbed your sweaty body all over it. If I wanted to boost my immunity, I’ll do it by getting an extra shot of Vitamin C in my smoothie, not by rubbing your bodily fluids all over myself and hoping for the best.
- When you’re on a treadmill (and whether there is a wait or not) it is not OK to leave it going at 6 mph, with your stuff on it while you go to the restroom.
- Do not buy your work-out clothes at the Spearmint Rhino Dancer’s Outlet. Do not wear GIANT chandelier earrings with said work-out clothes. Do not wear a bikini top to weight-lifting class (especially if you look good in it, Shakira Twins, because the other women in the class want to hurt you.)
- Neon bike shorts? Should never have left the 80s.
- Do not get on a machine and in-between reps have a nice long chat with a friend. Notice the people hovering around you, tapping their feet? They’re waiting for the machine you’ve been hogging for 20 minutes while you catch up on your gossip.
- If there is a sign on the equipment that says it is broken, it is not there simply to screw with you, but because the equipment really is broken. (I’m talking to you Crazy Lily from 9:00 spin) When you try to put it together and use it, you look like an idiot and disrupt other peoples’ work outs. (And some people in 9:00 spin have trouble with anger management and may be tempted to get off of their bike and rabbit punch you in the neck.)
- Also Lily? You look really stupid when you are on the elliptical wearing Ugg boots.
Oh there is so much more that bugs me. I’ll have to have a gym bitch list 2. In the meantime, I am trying to view my irritation as an adrenaline boost when I want to quit in the middle of a work out. Anger may not be good for my stress level, but maybe, just maybe it will be good for my ass.
Uncle Jayson says
I’d like to add the few things that annoy me, just because I can relate:
1- Stop telling me on the overhead speakers that this is the last few days for membership upgrades that have seemingly gone on for years.
2- Men, why oh why do you wear sunglasses inside the gym while working out?
3- Make sure the water fountains are in working order as well.
4- Women, get off your cell phones while on the treadmill/eliptical/bike or inbetween sets on machines.
5- Again, men…why do I have to hear your Incredible Hulk impersenations across the room for 90lbs worth of weight? Dear Lord the grunting an testosterone is off the charts sometimes for no reason.
Oh I sooo agree with 2, 4 and 5! I think our intercom system is broken… that’s why it is perpetually stuck on Crappy Rap Muzik FM – yo yo yo dawg!
The Chicken Lady says
Holy crap, I almost fell off my chair reading this! I go to the Y and there is nobody to tick me off there since, um, I live in Sturgeon Bay. There isn’t anyone here! 🙂 Maybe Lily’s Ugg fur will get caught in one of the belts someday. That would be fun! 🙂