Back to school week has been a busy one for everyone. Did anyone else run into ridiculousness while preparing for it?
Let me share the good, the bad, and the cataclysmically stupid..
**I am uber-organized. School clothes and school supplies were purchased on sale and over the course of the summer. In fact, I picked up several things before school even got out for the summer, so I really spent next to nothing, all things considered. I saved money, time and energy.
**Grant started Kindergarten. His school hosts a Kindergarten orientation the day before school starts. The child and their parents come to the school and learn which classroom and teacher the child has. While the children play on the playground under staff supervision, the parents go into the classroom to hear the teacher’s spiel.
Then the kids are brought in from the playground to meet their teacher, see their classroom and hear half of a story. The teacher leaves them with a cliffhanger, so that they are excited to return the next day. How brilliant is that?
**The Big 3 got registered for their middle and high schools with no trouble. Mitch started his first day of middle school from his mom’s house. I hear it went well. Devin and Conner are happy with their class schedules.
**Grant had trouble sleeping the night before school starts, that’s how excited he was.
He sat and watched a DVD while cradling his lunch box the whole time. He moved a single granola bar into various pockets and compartments repeatedly, so excited for snack time and lunch time.
He was so cute, all ready to go to school like his big “brudders.”
He found his name-tag like he was supposed to, enjoyed the playground before school started and happily took his place in line. He went into the classroom without a backwards glance.
**We allowed Conner to take the photo of Mom & Dad with Grant on his first day of school. Blurry and with no warning as to when he would take it. (Grant had little patience for pictures that morning, so re-takes weren’t really an option.) Conner has opposable thumbs, but he doesn’t like to use them. That’s what we get for asking him to be the photographer, but there was no other choice.
**I thought I’d be a little teary-eyed at this milestone, but I did OK. I was early to pick him up though and couldn’t wait to see him. He was the first one out of the door. He took one look at me, burst into tears and ran to me. “Mom, I missed you!”
You could’ve knocked me over with the proverbial feather… I so wasn’t prepared for tears.
**It turns out that for all that packing and unpacking of his lunch box, he was too excited to eat lunch.
He didn’t eat his sandwich. He opened up his Go-Gurt (the yogurt in the little tube) and decided to save the rest for later. When we opened up his brand new lunch box it was like yogurt had exploded in there. Pink goo everywhere.
Also, it seems he had a little emotional meltdown over his fruit roll-up. He took it out, unwrapped it and set it down on the table while he opened his yogurt and drank his juice. It has been so hot, that by the time he turned his attention back to the fruit roll-up it had melted onto the table and he couldn’t pick it up again. He was inconsolable.
**There is also a scary crossing guard by Grant’s school. Apparently, she has her PhD in Crosswalk Safety from Hitler University. She is so terrifying (to parents and drivers alike) that I have to resist the urge to dart out from in between two parked cars and run across a 4 lane avenue like a spooked squirrel.
I fear that rather that encourage safe crossing, she is actually scaring kids away from the crosswalk.
**For some reason, Devin and Conner make up two sides of the Bermuda Triangle Of Bikes. Flat tires, broken chains, ill-fitting helmets and stolen bikes… So as a precautionary measure we had full bike maintenance the weekend before school.
The first morning, Devin still had a problem with his bike chain.
**Devin is chronically late and makes excuses as to how it isn’t his fault when his buddies come by to ride to school with him. They wait for him. We keep telling his friends that they should leave his tardy ass behind, but they wait anyway. Instead of their impatience and disapproval motivating Devin to hurry up, Devin drags them all down to the slowest common denominator. He was late again on the first day.
His friends still waited for him.
He still made excuses and blamed his alarm clock.
**Conner has a jerky kid on his soccer team. We, as a family, now refer to that kid as The Little Shit. Handsome Hubby is an AYSO referee and has complained about this kid’s attitude and antics on the field before. This kid is a jerk and a bully and he is putting a serious damper on Conner’s enjoyment of the game.
**I spent Monday afternoon until Tuesday afternoon hooked up to electrodes and a 24 hour heart monitor to record heart palpitations and bouts of lightheadedness I have been experiencing. Tuesday afternoon the cardiologist took off the monitor and had me do a treadmill stress-test and did an echo cardiogram. Still waiting for a conclusive diagnosis, but it looks like I have a type of arrhythmia that is directly connected to stress and fatigue.
I need to avoid stress if possible and cut back on alcohol and caffeine.
Are you freaking kidding me?
To loosely borrow from Airplane, I picked a bad week to quit sniffin’ glue.
**(Shoes, part 1) The first morning of the new school year, Devin came to me saying, “Mom! Were you aware that my heel comes up out of these shoes when I walk?!”
Um, no Devin. Since you tried them on in the store, walked up and down the aisle and declared that they fit, I took you at your 17 year-old word.
Turns out that they were a full size too big. We’re still not sure exactly how that happened.
**(Shoes, part 2) After the first day of school. Devin came to me saying, “I forgot. I’m not taking PE this year. I don’t need PE shoes or a lock for a PE locker.”
We already bought the PE shoes on the same shopping trip as the others. Fortunately, I hadn’t yet purchased a lock from the high school. (Sometimes I am so thankful for the little things.)
**(Bike, again) After having his bike stolen from the school’s bike rack last year, after deciding not to use the lock (“Lots of kids don’t…”) he returned from school and casually mentioned that he once again didn’t lock up his bike, but not because he was making a choice.
He didn’t have a choice: He lost his bike lock somewhere and needs another one.
Now I need to go buy another bike lock, or risk having this bike stolen or I have to drive him to and from school.
**(Teeth, part 1) During a check-up with our orthodontist, I was informed that Conner has not been wearing his headgear faithfully (or long enough). Conner promised to do better and I promised to watch Conner more carefully.
What did Conner go and do? Left it in the waiting room.
What did I go and do? Didn’t notice he wasn’t wearing it for two days.
Not only did we both not keep our promise to the orthodontist, but he and his wife are friends of ours and I am super embarrassed. My slacker mom slip is showing. I had to drive back across town, slink into their office with my tail between my legs and retrieve the headgear with a promise to do better.
At least I was able to roll it into one morning of errands that included picking up the results of the TB test I had to get in order to set foot on school grounds as a volunteer, and returning shoes that weren’t needed/didn’t fit…
**(Teeth, part 2) “Oh no!!! Mom!!! I dropped my toothbrush down the drain!!”
What? Yep. Don’t ask me why, but the stopper thingy in the sink is missing in the boys’ bathroom. While brushing his teeth, somehow Conner dropped his toothbrush straight down into the drain. …’Nuthin but net. It is too far down to pull out, so Handsome Hubby gets to take apart the sink trap to get it out this weekend.
**(Teeth, part 3) Conner is doing a special skin care regimen right now. He’s got a little hormone poisoning and some wash, some toner and some special skin cream are part of his night time routine. The products aren’t terribly expensive, but they certainly are not cheap.
After applying this medicated cream to his face, I discover him brushing his teeth, and while getting water to rinse his mouth, he sticks his whole face under the faucet. In other words, while rinsing the toothpaste out of his mouth, he also rinses all the costly medicated cream off of his face…. and has been doing so for at least a month. AGGGH!
No wonder it wasn’t working as well as the packaging promised.
**Now this is completely unrelated to back to school, but certainly qualifies as cataclysmically stupid. While running all my errands, I saw a guy coming the opposite direction on the street. Stuck in traffic, I noticed him at a stop with his window down in the left lane. Going the opposite direction, but also in the left lane, was a police car. In other words, Stupid Guy (SG) and Cop were 3 feet away from eachother… driver’s window to driver’s window. SG wasn’t wearing his seatbelt, which is against the law in California.
From high up in my Suburban, I could see SG try to make it look like he was wearing his seatbelt. He didn’t actually put it on, he just wanted to make it look like he was wearing it. (He was totally obvious, by the way.)
My question is this: Why not just put it on for real?
Does he think it is more uncomfortable to wear a seatbelt than it is to go through a windshield?
Does he think it’s uncool? As if someone will say, “Gee, look at that idiot! He’s trying to save his own life. What an ass!”
It’s obvious he didn’t forget to put it on, because if that were the case he would have put it on for real when he saw the cop.
I don’t get it.
I hereby dub him Cataclysmically Stupid Guy. My kids may give him a run for his money in individual events, but he takes the prize for Best In Show…
Liz @ Sugarplum Creations says
You’ve been busy, girl! The first week back is always chaotic, even for a super-organized gal like you!
What a dumbass. Did the cop not see him and his stupid ass?
Maybe the sink stopper is in the same place where Devin’s bike lock is…? : )
I would have bawled if my little guy came out crying. How sad. Weird that you have to have a TB test to volunteer.
The teacher this year told me that there’s lots to volunteer for! Yay! Fieldtrips, here I come. And I can’t wait to accidentally smack some kids! Wait. Did I just say that outloud? Forget that.
Kolby just started soccer as well, and he’s loving it! There’s a shit on his team too. He has to run laps every.practice. Cuz he’s a shit.
Lisa@Pickles and Cheese says
Boys…..you’ve got your hands full! Nothing cuter though than when they are in Kindergarten! And what is it with boy’s and their shoes? Mine had to have a very expensive pair to run X-Country and now he won’t wear them because he said they are giving him shin splints! Augh!
OK your post is so my first week of school and why I’ve been MIA since tit started.
I’m ready for a routine and I’m not a routine kind of gal!
Hope it gets better and let me know the tests results!
No Patron? How about Sangria? Did you try it yet? Yum-mAy!
Keetha Broyles says
Oh my!!! If EVERY BODY’S first day of school went like Grant’s did, MORE people would home school!!!
I sure hope for his sake he gets it all figured out real quickly and begins to LOVE it.
Grant looks so handsome all ready for his first day of school!
We also often have pudding disasters in our lunch boxes. I keep saying…if you don’t finish it just throw it away!
I hope everything works out well with your health situation…take care of yourself!
I would have bawled and pulled him out of school right there!! So tough! My oldest used to cry sometimes when I would drop her off and it literally ripped my heart out!
Grant is so cute! We have lunch disasters all the time around here too! My daughter must be the pickiest eater on the planet…
I hope they figure out your medical problem. So sorry you are going through that!
And aren’t teenagers wonderful?? I have two at the moment and they give me a run for my money!
Have a great weekend!
Housewife Savant says
Wasting money on shoes…ugh.
Crossing guard Nazis…WTH?
Sounds about right…
And you know to TOTALLY milk this stress/fatigue thing for all it’s worth, right?
Hope you’re okay!
It made me weepy about your sweet little Grant declaring he missed you!! Too sweet! What a great week..haha. Your posts are awesome, and talking about stupid…I watched a car load of peaople get out when I dropped off Jibbity yesterday at school, that consisted of two moms, an infant in a carrier, a toddler, two more children probably about 2 or 3, and two kids in Jibbity’s class get out of Honda Civic. Are you kiddin’ me? Made me so mad!! Had to call Xazmin on that one!
Hope you have a great holiday weekend!
My 1st grade daughter came in while I was reading your post and declared “that boy is really cute” – Tell Grant he has an older woman in FL waiting for him 🙂
you are so smart to buy your stuff before school got out. i love a great deal!
But the cop didn’t notice? That’s observant law enforcement for you…
You know, you’ve nothing going on…so it should be easy to become stress and fatigue free right!? ;P
And you’re supposed to give up alcohol and caffeine through all of this? And I loved that Grant’s teacher did a “to be continued.” Genius!!!!
Connie Weiss says
I am now patting myself on the back for only having two children because that is a lot of freaking work. No wonder you are stressed.
But I don’t know how alcohol and caffeine are bad for you….they help my stress. Especially the alcohol.
I so totally loved this post. It was like a great sitcom episode. I mean that in the bestest kind of way. Little Grant and his fruit roll up; dang. I think kids have more stress over lunch than any other part of the school day!
I laughed out loud at the acne medicine story. So typical! Boys…!
I hope you can unwind (I know that is easier said than done) and feel better. btw, you have to have a TB test to help at the school? wow.
Tammy Howard says
Well, you’ve done your good deed for the day. My eldest is ridiculous about not following procedures (dental in particular) and I feel like such a bad mom for not KNOWING this. You’ve reminded me that VERY GOOD MOMS don’t follow their TEEN AGED children around watching every aspect of their hygiene ritual.
So you need to cut out some stress. Well that should be easy. (RIGHT!!!) Sheesh. Good luck with all of that – seriously – take care of yourself.
Oh this had me laughing, as always! You talked about what I fear will be my future: our kids getting a lobotomy. Grant is adorable! How sweet he was so excited to start school, but sweet/sad too that he missed you so much. 🙁
The Chicken Lady says
Here’s what I think is bad…Grant looking like a big boy. Where did your baby go??
Here’s what I think is good. YOU! You, even in that blurry picture, look fabulous!
Here’s what I think is cataclysmically stupid. The cop for not giving captain obiously stupid a ticket.
Wow. There’s so much stuff in there, I’m just going to say I enjoyed reading every word, and also please R.E.L.A.X. Your heart will appreciate it 🙂