As I am fixing Grant his lunch… “Thank you that you’re making a sandwich.” “Good job making that sandwich.” “And you can pour milk.” “I like pudding. The brown pudding that’s over there.” (pointing to the fridge) “We have pudding on this planet.” “You can get the sun in your eyes and in your eyebrows.” […]
I’d like a Xanax Martini please.
I woke up yesterday morning, excited about the day. I was going to do 3 fun things for ME! ME!! (9:30) – In the morning I was meeting a girlfriend for coffee (with Grant along for the ride, but that’s no problem because each of them like each other more than they like me… I […]
Am I being Punk’d? So bad it’s funny… or at least it will be someday.
My day yesterday: 6:15: wake up and go back to sleep 6:30 wake up and go back to sleep 6:45 drag ass out of bed 7:00 make coffee 7:15 start chugging coffee 7:29 (note to self: do not go to bed with wet hair) 7:30 put hair in hot rollers to get rid of “Medusa” […]
Nobody gets a shake until Mommy gets a margarita!
Overheard: What my children fear… “You better be careful or Mom will blog about you…” Devin my dear, this one’s for you. 7:30 pm, Monday night…. Mom: Devin, you have an orthodontic appointment tomorrow after school, so come straight home. Devin: Got it. 3:00 pm, Tuesday afternoon the phone rings… Mom: Hello? Devin: Mom! The […]
Butterflies are beautiful, but don’t stand underneath them.
Grant has a bunch of plastic bugs. I don’t know where they came from (I know I didn’t buy them!) but they’re scattered all around in the toy bins. The only one he plays with at all is a butterfly. We’d like to think he’s pretending it’s Mothra, but probably not. The butterfly’s name was […]
First base! Second Base! Third base! Home! (No? OK, just spin around or pick dandelions or something…)
We signed Grant up for T-ball. His team is made up of 4 and 5 year-olds. The phrase it’s like herding cats absolutely applies here. Here are some of the things I heard myself saying to Grant yesterday: Stop spinning! Listen to your coach! There’s no crying in baseball! You don’t need any crackers right […]
No Scooby-Snacks for Conner.
Last night Conner informed me that the dogs had knocked over the dog food container and food was all over, and they ate it all. I got the distinct impression that we were now out of dog food. I called Rich and asked him to pick some more up on his way home. This morning, […]
I have to find my backpack! My brain was in it!
Last Friday, Devin brought home his school backpack, full of books and homework. For some reason, he left it near bags that were being packed into the car for a weekend at the cabin. Sunday evening, I had to remind him to make sure it got packed back into the car to come back from […]
Promoting good hygiene through ridicule.
We are remodeling the only bathroom at our cabin. Well, it’s more like we gutted it in early November, put the sub-floor, insulation and drywall in, and hooked up a toilet. (Which is temporary because the last people who had the cabin switched the hot and cold water pipes. Now when you sit on it, […]
Hitler needs a haircut. And the First Amendment.
New Jersey state officials have taken the kids named after Nazis out of their parents’ care. Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy State authorities don’t say why the kids were removed from the house. I think these parents are scum and total idiots. I wouldn’t let them take care […]