Tyrone Wells (one of my favorite singers) has a song called The Hate Song. It’s a funny list of things a jilted boyfriend has compiled in order to make himself feel better.
Things I hate, in no particular order:
1) People Who Don’t RSVP
I have actually put “Please let me know as soon as possible if you are coming or not” on invitations and still end up calling people to inquire. This really bugs me if it is for a bunco. All of these people have hosted before and know you need groups of 4 in order to play. What gives?!
2.) Litterbugs
Especially those who are flicking lit cigarette butts out the windows of their cars. I become almost apoplectic and my family is worried I’ll be shot someday because I confront the litterbug whenever I can.
Last week a worker parked on the street in front of our house and flicked his cigarette into our gutter. I ran into the front yard (in my pajamas) and screeched at him like a magpie. Rich figuratively grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and hauled me inside. He then tried to delicately suggest that perhaps PMS was beginning to set in… Whatever. The fact that he is more in tune with my body than I am does not change the fact that I was right.
3.) Egregious Grammatical Mistakes
I’ve been called a Grammar Nazi. I can live with that. What I can’t live with are things like “Me and him are going to the store.” No. “He and I…” Simple test: Would you say “Me is going” or “I am going”….? Also, this test can help when it actually is “me” as in: “She gave it to Conner and me.” It isn’t “She gave it to I…”
“He did so good on his exam…” No, he did well.
“I feel so badly for her…” In that you are unable to feel or don’t do it well? You feel bad for her.
4. Stupid Spelling Errors.
Conner’s English teacher calls these “No Excuse” words, (In that there is no excuse to not know these…)
you’re = you are
your = it belongs to you
their = it belongs to them
there = it is not here, but over ____.
they’re = they are
5. Corn-Nuts & Fritos
6. Inconsiderate Drivers
Not necessarily bad drivers (although I can’t stand them either) but the drivers who don’t notice that if they pulled up a bit further, you could actually fit in the left hand-turn lane too. The drivers who don’t notice they are taking up the middle of the right lane at a stop light and there’s a line of cars who are unable to make a legal right turn on a red because of them… Wake up people!
7. People Who Refer To Themselves in Third Person
“Vivienne needs more coffee.” “Vivienne needs to go grocery shopping.” “Vivienne hates laundry.” How stupid is that?!
8. The Hama Hama Stage of Adolescent Boys
They runtheirwordstogether and are unintelligible. They lose their shoes. They forget to take their completed homework to school. They unload the dishwasher but put the clean dishes in the dryer (Devin) or throw their dirty clothes in the trash (Mitch). Basically, their brains mis-fire for about 2 years. (2 very long years….)
9. Telemarketers
Especially the robo-calls where no one is there when you answer the phone, or they tell you to hold for a very important call.
10. Patchouli
Yum. The smell of unwashed hippies and incense.
I could keep going, which is a bit disturbing. (I’ll stop now.)
Click here for more snarky lists from other people….
Hi Vivienne! I loved your list. You make me laugh! Bad spellers make me crazy too! And do you know someone that refers to themselves in the third person. That is funny!
Have a wonderful week!
XOXO
Jen
Hello there! Great list. I hate people who litter too, drives me crazy!
Have a great day!
Tanielle
Oh MY Goodness- I am laughing out loud!! your post is too funny- I can tell that you & I would get along. I am the grammar nazi in our family- it drives my hubby batty that I know all these English rules.
And I am so not looking forward to the Hama Hama Stage!!! Yikes!
Have a great week!
Becca
If I wasn’t afraid of getting shot…what I always imagine doing is running up, picking the cigarette butt off the street and tossing it back through their window saying, “oh, here…you dropped something!”
OK I need to go look up egregious and will from now on forward my posts to you for a proof before I click publish!
FYI- I went back to reread my post and found this…
…if they really new me ~ there was another one but I fixed it and now cannot remember what it was.
Please read my blog with kindness, cuz I ain’t no English major!
Your list is hilarious! Love it! Especially the grammar references and people referring to themselves in the third person. Oh, and littering too… Great list!
I’m laughing at the corn nuts and Fritos…is it because they make people’s breath stinky? LOL. #7 is funny too. I often feel like I’m doing that on facebook…”Jenny is at work…Jenny needs coffee.” I don’t do it intentionally, facebook makes me. Grammatical errors are very annoying.
Hope you have a great week!
Cindy feels badly that her and Viv don’t live closely to each other with patchouli flavored candles, not use our signals while turning in our cars and yelling at people when they throw out there butts. hahahahahaha I love you Viv! hee hee, my word verification is modump.
It seems like a lot of people do not care for bad drivers! Personally, I send out a big “hoorah” to your telemarketing disdain as I completely agree! Stopping by via Kate’s FMM…nice list!
thanks for stopping by my blog! sorry it’s taken me a while to get around to everyone!
i love your list!!! it’s okay to be a grammar nazi 🙂
Add to the list housewives who bitch about they’re lives. (grammar mistake intentional just to bug you).
Count your blessings instead of whining about them.
(From a mother of 3 boys who works full-time).
Your list leads me to believe that you’re a pretty passionate person which is outstanding! That being said…never live in NYC. Drivers would drive you insane (even if you were on foot.)
Corn nuts, fritos and patchouli must be some of the most disgusting things to smell. And someone always seems to have one of those things when you’re stuck with them in a small space.