Tyrone Wells (one of my favorite singers) has a song called The Hate Song. It’s a funny list of things a jilted boyfriend has compiled in order to make himself feel better.
Things I hate, in no particular order:
1) People Who Don’t RSVP
I have actually put “Please let me know as soon as possible if you are coming or not” on invitations and still end up calling people to inquire. This really bugs me if it is for a bunco. All of these people have hosted before and know you need groups of 4 in order to play. What gives?!
Especially those who are flicking lit cigarette butts out the windows of their cars. I become almost apoplectic and my family is worried I’ll be shot someday because I confront the litterbug whenever I can.
Last week a worker parked on the street in front of our house and flicked his cigarette into our gutter. I ran into the front yard (in my pajamas) and screeched at him like a magpie. Rich figuratively grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and hauled me inside. He then tried to delicately suggest that perhaps PMS was beginning to set in… Whatever. The fact that he is more in tune with my body than I am does not change the fact that I was right.
3.) Egregious Grammatical Mistakes
I’ve been called a Grammar Nazi. I can live with that. What I can’t live with are things like “Me and him are going to the store.” No. “He and I…” Simple test: Would you say “Me is going” or “I am going”….? Also, this test can help when it actually is “me” as in: “She gave it to Conner and me.” It isn’t “She gave it to I…”
“He did so good on his exam…” No, he did well.
“I feel so badly for her…” In that you are unable to feel or don’t do it well? You feel bad for her.
4. Stupid Spelling Errors.
Conner’s English teacher calls these “No Excuse” words, (In that there is no excuse to not know these…)
you’re = you are
your = it belongs to you
their = it belongs to them
there = it is not here, but over ____.
they’re = they are
5. Corn-Nuts & Fritos
6. Inconsiderate Drivers
Not necessarily bad drivers (although I can’t stand them either) but the drivers who don’t notice that if they pulled up a bit further, you could actually fit in the left hand-turn lane too. The drivers who don’t notice they are taking up the middle of the right lane at a stop light and there’s a line of cars who are unable to make a legal right turn on a red because of them… Wake up people!
7. People Who Refer To Themselves in Third Person
“Vivienne needs more coffee.” “Vivienne needs to go grocery shopping.” “Vivienne hates laundry.” How stupid is that?!
8. The Hama Hama Stage of Adolescent Boys
They runtheirwordstogether and are unintelligible. They lose their shoes. They forget to take their completed homework to school. They unload the dishwasher but put the clean dishes in the dryer (Devin) or throw their dirty clothes in the trash (Mitch). Basically, their brains mis-fire for about 2 years. (2 very long years….)
Especially the robo-calls where no one is there when you answer the phone, or they tell you to hold for a very important call.
Yum. The smell of unwashed hippies and incense.
I could keep going, which is a bit disturbing. (I’ll stop now.)
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