I couldn’t help myself.
I rolled down Devin’s window. (He was in the front passenger seat.) I leaned past him and yelled over at the girl: “Hey! You really need to stop driving like an asshole! You’re going to get your self or somebody else killed, driving the way you do. And hang up your damn phone! What’re you? All of 17? Concentrate on the road, Miss Inexperience!” I’m sure she said something back, but the light had changed and I didn’t quite catch it.
Devin? Oh, he was mortified – sitting in a car, next to a cute teenage girl, with his crazy-ass mother yelling past him at said cute teenage girl. You’ve never seen such a big kid try to make himself so small. “What’s wrong with you, mom?! She isn’t going to listen to you and you can’t just yell at people like that!“ Oh, but I can. If she isn’t going to listen, it doesn’t matter if I yell… because it makes me feel better.
Yesterday: We’re on our way to the beach. Devin is in the front passenger seat and we’re at a stoplight. There is a big, raised, white truck next to us. The teenage driver’s arm is out of his open window, a cigarette dangling from his fingers. I’m watching it, knowing the guy is going to flick it into the street. Yep. Flick. Ugh!!! Still gun shy from the last time mom was unhappy with another driver, Devin sees what’s about to happen and implores me: “Oh Mom, let it go!!! Don’t do it!” and holds down the button for his window, preventing me from rolling it down.
At that point, I decide to mess with my son a little bit. I pretend that I’m going to catch up to the truck, etc. I run a steady stream of monologue: Look at that! He isn’t wearing his seatbelt either! Punk teenager! I’m going to tell him not to litter! Half the state has burned down this year! What’s that kid thinking throwing lit cigarettes out the window! Oh my gosh! He is already lighting up another one! Wow, smoke much?! Devin is getting more and more agitated.
(Note: in the back seat, Grant begins saying “blah, blah, blah…” Conner asks why he’s saying that… “Because Mom is talkin’ too much!”)
As we pull into the beach parking lot, the truck is behind me. (This is getting good!) Looking fearfully behind us, Devin begs the driver “No! No! Drive away! Get out of here!” From the back seat, Conner says, “No, he’s making a U-turn and going the other way. Whew!”
Oh, but the boys must be just messing with me, for as I pay my parking fee to the state park guy, I look in the rearview and see a white truck behind me. I tell the attendant, “Hey, the guy in the white truck behind me threw cigarettes out of his truck the whole way down PCH. You may want to let him know that the state of California doesn’t appreciate litter-bugs and that he shouldn’t throw trash on your beach.”
Feeling smug, I pull forward. (After all, I got to make my point to that guy and I got to mess with Devin!)
I look once again in my rearview mirror and see that it is, indeed, a white truck. However, it is not raised and does not have a teenage punk driving it. Oops! “Nevermind!” I yell and hurry down the access road, hoping to disappear before they catch my license plate. Devin’s comment? “Ugh, Mom, you’re so lame!”
So as we lug boogie boards, beach towels and snacks to the sand, I notice the waves look pretty good. Pretty big for Bolsa Chica, actually. I spot Raquel and her kids and my Aunt Mary Kay and her grandkids and plop down next to them. The kids are all off and running. All is fine, we just have to occasionally wrangle them as the tide is coming in at an angle and with each ride in to shore, they move a bit down the beach. The littler guys are fine, but we notice the 4 oldest boys (15 and 16 year olds) have gotten pretty far out in the surf. They don’t have their boards with them and are trying to body surf.
We 3 moms are getting a bit nervous as we see how far out the guys have gotten (now on the other side of the swells coming in) and we begin waving for them to come back into shore. They don’t come back. Hhmm.
They either a) can’t see us; b) are deliberately disobeying; or, c) they’re in trouble.
The lifeguard strips off his shirt, jumps from his tower and races out to the surf. I guess it is option c.
As he makes his way out to the boys, a truck with a flashing light pulls up and 2 more lifeguards run from their towers and into the surf. One of them is a girl.
So the guys get rescued, and they explain that they were “just fine” and don’t see what all the fuss was about. Some of the surfers nearby had been saying, “Duuuudes… you’re in a rip-tide. Better swim parallel to shore, maaaaan.” That’s probably what alerted the lifeguards, so thank you to the Jeff Spicolis of Bolsa Chica. A lecture from Mom, (complete with shark story reminders) (again, a story for another time…) and instructions that boogie boards are mandatory for the rest of the day.
In the meantime, Grant has been having a ball playing at the water’s edge with the two Conners.
He comes to me for a snack and a juice box, and when he finishes, he runs back down towards the water. About halfway down, he stops running and lets out a blood curdling screech. We all thought he was hurt. Hurt bad! Like stepped on glass or stepped on a jelly-fish hurt. He comes running back to us, crying so hard there is almost no sound coming out. We look him over quickly, checking for blood, swelling, etc. “What’s wrong, buddy!?” No words. Just crying, shaking and pointing.
Pointing…. oh, I see.
A severed head at the beach would make me cry too.
Reluctantly, Grant allowed himself to be taken over to get a closer look at The Severed Head, (aka Cousin Sammy). It took him a few moments to calm down and marvel at the idea that anyone would willingly be buried up to their neck in sand.
Many people have a scary experience with water that makes them afraid of the beach.
Only a special few have a traumatic experience with sand.
And your husband missed this very busy fun day at the beach?
Lucky dog..lol!
OMG. Laughing out loud here for real. Poor Grant!
Ok, they’re wondering why I’m busting up here…guess I should try to contain it.
And BTW, how the hell can you wear and look good in a bikini after 3 kids?! You DO rock!
Poor Devin. You do that mom torture thing a lot with him, don’t ya?
Macey
Wow! That was like an episode of the Brady Bunch goes to Hawaii, but better! It had all the ingredients: mom knows best, child trauma, and parental embarrassmnet! The only thing it lacked was a goodnight kiss from Pa Brady…oh, wait…he was gay.
Too funny how you messed with your son about the cigarette. I hate it that smokers think that the world is their ashtray.
And, that rescue seems scary….as is the “severed” head.
I’ve seen pictures of this but never realized it was possible lol!
Girl I am dying laughing here…this was way too funny…May you have a great day…Hugs and smiles Gl♥ria
Now that’s my kind of parenting!
Hmmm was the life guard hot?
And to think I used to embarrass my kids at the beach by saying to people leaving trash, “Hey! You forgot something!” and helping them gather their stuff up.
What an exciting day! Great story, very funny. I’ll have to remember some of this in the future when my kiddos are older. 🙂
I would have paid money to be in the car as your son probably held on to that car window button for dear life praying you would transform into someone normal 🙂
I am as bad as you with my boys!
This could be why Austin sometimes does not talk to me.
LOL!!!
You know… that passenger window thing is why my adult children still all opt to sit in the back seat when Mom is driving… I damaged them for life…
Hello V…
OMG, Girlfriend! You had me just rolling with laughter! Poor Grant, a severed head??? Kids…you gotta love em’! Hehe! Sounds like you had quite the day at the beach…lots of fun!!! Hmmm…as you talked about your oldest ones getting too far out…I have to admit, I was getting nervous too! I lived close to the Gulf of Mexico coastline for about 30 yrs…I know how those riptides can be!
Girl, you’re my hero!!! Good for you…rolling down the window and giving that teen girl a “piece of your mind”! Well…and it’s not just the teens…I’ve seen so many adult drivers doing stupid things like texting, ect. while behind the wheel! You wanna know my take on this? I think we should be allowed paint guns…so we could mark those cars and drivers when we see them! Sure would alert all drivers to beware of those people! Hehe!!!
Thank you so much for joining up with Sunday Favorites again this week, Darlin’…I always enjoy your posts! You just put a smile in my heart!!!
Chari
V, you’ve got the road rage going verbally! Great way to relieve stress and tension. What a hoot you are! Have fun and keep twirling.
Happy Twirls
I used to yell at people when out and about but my husband has asked me to stop.
Whatev!
Hey at least you keep your kids guessing and alert. You’re definitely not predictable!
So funny! I love that you’re republishing older stuff so those of us who didn’t have the pleasure of reading your blog before are able to have the chance to now!
I hate litter bugs! I wish so bad I had the guts to hop out of my car at a stop light, pick up the cigarette butt, and say “you dropped something” as I throw it back through their window!