I went to a charity fundraiser with my friend Jodi last night.
We got dressed up… we put on make-up… I spent more than an hour actually drying and styling my 45 pounds of hair… We were lookin’ good.
Upon arrival, we headed (immediately) to the bar and each got a glass of wine. We sipped our wine, perused the items up for silent auction, and wondered where waiters with the passed appetizers were.
I have always believed that one of the more difficult things to do in life is to look comfortable in 4 inch heels, hold your clutch purse, your drink, a little bite of food, and to make sure your right hand is readily available (and crumb free) when needed in order to shake somebody’s hand. All at the same time. I consciously work at juggling all of that.
I have also always believed that passed appetizers should be one bite. Not two bites. One bite.
Otherwise, this happens:
As I took my first little appetizer from the tray (2 bites worth of a chopped Asian chicken mixture in a little crunchy, flaky edible cup), I noticed David Arquette had arrived. (He and Courteney Cox are big supporters of this organization.)
My first bite of this appetizer caused the remaining second bite to crumble apart.
An avalanche of chicken and green onions dropped right down the front of my dress and got caught in the cleavage that I had brought out just for this special occasion. As I concentrated on picking chunks of chicken out of my bra, I realized it would be less obvious to push it further in than to try to fish it out.
As I tried to surreptitiously wipe off my chest and tuck chicken further into my cleavage, David Arquette had reached our group and was talking to Jodi. With all eyes on him, I took advantage of the distraction to adjust my clothing and make sure there was no more food visible on my face, chest or dress.
During this adjustment process, I felt the chicken slip further down, fall out of my bra, slide down my stomach and fall out of the bottom of my dress and land on my very cute, open toed python slingbacks.
So now instead of chicken all over my boobs, there is chicken all over my toes. I shook it onto the floor and moved away from the scene of the crime. I let out a big sigh. Crisis averted, no one seemed to be the wiser.
I didn’t get to meet David Arquette, but really? Would you want to be “that girl who needed a bib” when you meet someone? Me either.
So I counted myself fortunate and mingled a little more, meeting and talking with other friends and attendees.
Then I looked at my glass of chardonnay.
It looked like a snow globe. I had been so concerned with the chicken wedged between my boobs, that I never bothered to see if it fell anywhere else. My wine had chunks of diced chicken and something else unidentifiable floating in it.
How many people saw that and wondered what it was?
How many people saw that and thought it was backwash!?
Agggh!! Almost 24 hours later and I am still mortified!!
Clearly, you can dress me up, but you should never take me out. (Or I should eat a little something before I get there….)
Oh boy. This is so something that would (actually, probably will) happen to me.
Cute shoes, even if they were chickened!
LOL, that is funny and so true! Love the shoes I am sure you looked all sorts of fabulous even with half your appetizer on your shoe!
Yep, that always happens to me when I got to fancy schmancy fundraisers. I mean, come on, appetizer people! Wait, I never go to those cuz there aren’t any around here. BUT, point is, if I DID go to them, I would have been you doing the chicken dance. 🙂
Hahaha! yeah, I would definitely recommend eating before you go!
and 45lbs of hair! I’m so jealous, I have about .45lbs.
Great shoes!! Once at a party I bit down on a cherry tomato and had all the stuff inside shoot out of my mouth! Always hold your lips tight when eating them is the lesson I learned.
You are so funny! You definitly can’t dress me up or take me out. I think I would freak to 1. be walking in 4 inch heels 2. in the same room as freaking David Arquette and Courtney Cox!
I am not subtle at all, and would just embarrass myself (see my recent post about me seeing my VERYFIRSTFAMOUSPERSONEVER!!) (there is Dan Aykroyd and pee involved and no I didn’t even go up to him)
So all and all…
I think you did GOOD GIRL!!!!
Girl!! You can’t go anywhere without some misshap to blog about!! I Love it!!!
~Becca
OH. MY. WORD — I am laughing so hard right now. AND you are right … it is QUITE difficult to drink wine, eat an app, keep your right hand free and CLEAN.
Too funny ….
If I were ever in the situation to go to a charity fundraiser with famous people I can assure you the exact same thing would have happened to me – with the exception of the cleavage, as that would involve actually having any. I can, however, relate to the 45 pounds of hair 🙂
I would SO be me…minus the heels because I would die in heels.
Awesome! Sounds like something that would totally happen to me. Always at the worse possible moment. Way to keep it classy. HA!
When I was coming back from Greece I walked past Michael Jackson and two airport guards. It was a moment of panic (cool and creepy).
Totally understand the hair. Its nice but damn it takes forever to fix.
And that my friend is exactly why I NEVER eat at those events!
Too funny and does it make me a nasty biotch if I’m glad that it wasn’t me…this time
You crack me up! I have a phobia about eating in front of people. This might be one of the reasons I do – lol. I also am afraid I will walk around all night with spinach stuck in my teeth or something.
On the other hand, your shoes were FABUOLOUS and I am sure they binded people to the chicken snafu!
XOXO
Jen
See, this is why I just stay away from food, in general 😉 Of course, I would’ve managed another way to mess it up. Tripping in the 4 inch heels, you know, something like that.
This would so be me! and i dont really think there is any way to avoid it! You played it off well!! cute shoes! love them!
Oh dear. I can totally see you doing that and I think that should be or has been in a TV show with a funny actress playing you.
I have the same affliction as JenJen. I can’t eat in front of people (except my family) and can’t even eat in the car incase strangers are watching me.
Oh! and those shoes! Awesome!!
I never eat at ‘events’ – which sucks, because appetizers are my favorite of all the food groups – it just isn’t worth it…
If you had not spilled your chicken goodie, would you have had anything funny to blog about?
There you have it!
Love the shoes! And I am sooo jealous you got to get all gussied up and go to a fundraiser. This had me laughing! This would also be something that would have happened to me, because it has! Granted, I wasn’t anyplace with someone famous in the room, but still!
Thanks for the laughs!
OMH! Laughing my guts out here at 1 in the morning…to myself. No, I’m not weird!
Love the shoes…love that you pushed the chicken back down instead of fishing it out…Oh, and I wonder if any people saw it fall out your dress, and wondered why you were pooping chicken?
Just wondering! I’ve missed you! So glad to be able to get caught up with ya!
Cutest shoes ever!! And I laughed out loud at the thought of backwash in your wine. So human and so freakin funny!
HAHA. Sorry to laugh at your pain. HAHAHA.
You have 45 lbs of hair and cleavage? (Not in the same place I assume.) NO FAIR. Plus you hobnob with the rich and famous? You need to give lessons on being cool. Cuz that’s what you are; cooool.
🙂
This worked for you.
I don’t know how, (if I DID; I’d be YOU).
I just know it worked.
You’re cool no matter what.
And if anyone tries to tell me otherwise I’m plugging my ears and making noisy “lala!” interference.
You are truly so dang funny.
Holy crap…I am laughing so hard…arghhh!! That would totally happen to me!! Floaties in your wine…eeiiwww!
Great story 🙂
I really had to laugh, and I’m sorry but too stinkin’ funny! Your shoes are adorable by the way!:-)