Thank you for the very interesting point of view you left in COMMENTS about the Kevin & Bean KROQ Swingers Party. There is so much I’d like to say that I think a new post is in order:
“Yeah, you kinda ARE a prude but then again not really. To be accurate, you’re typical. You grew up with typical social programming and even though it’s obvious with half of marriages ending in divorce, you’re still “one of those” who subscribe to the fairy tale.”
If I am considered typical, in that swinging seems wrong to me, then I will happily accept that label. Social programming isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Social programming, paired with a general idea of right and wrong, helped to produce laws that we need in our society: Stealing is bad, it’s not OK to murder people, etc.
What does the divorce rate have to do with fairy tales? A solid marriage shouldn’t be a fairy tale, but rather a goal. Marriages that fail often don’t set a goal. People give up, or give in to a sort of “Moral ADD” that makes them incapable of working on the things that are the most worthwhile. We have a society that is very much geared towards instant gratification. If it’s too tough, quit. If it feels good, do it.
“Your complaint is valid but mostly because it’s an adult subject and the show occurs in the morning and kids listen. Oh but btw:kids these days are throwing “rainbow parties” so get over it. (Google “Rainbow Parties” in case you don’t know what that is)You should take a closer look at your reaction. You may sleep well, but does your husband?”
My complaint is valid on several levels.
Not only that it is an adult subject and that the KROQ audience includes people of all ages, but that this party has corporate sponsorship and that it is being promoted.
Your contention that there are young people having rainbow parties therefore I should “get over it” makes absolutely no sense at all. That’s like saying there’s a humanitarian crisis in Darfur, but the Tibetans are being oppressed, so get over it. Huh? One bad thing (or icky immoral thing) isn’t made better just because something similar is also happening.
Why should I take a closer look at my reaction?
There is no psychological mystery as to why I feel this way.
There isn’t something missing in my life or relationship.
This isn’t a knee-jerk reaction.
This is me, willing to live and let live as far as what others do with their sexuality. I might not agree with your choices, but hey, that’s your gig. My issue is that your sexual behavior (which is NOT the norm or even close to it) should not be promoted on a corporate level. It should not be celebrated as “hey this is great! Let’s all do this.”
And I sleep very well, as does my husband, who agrees with me on this issue and shakes his head as he hears about this contest… just as I do.
“Infidelity is rampant, so why is it somehow gross or empty to be honest and explore those feelings with the one person you are supposed to trust above all others? It’s like when the guy steps out on his wife because he can’t do “those kind of things” with his wife. It’s ridiculous.”
Infidelity is rampant because people are lazy, selfish and have lost their moral compass. It is incredibly rare that a man has an affair simply because his wife won’t give him a blow job. There is usually quite a bit more to it.
Everyone has certain thoughts and urges. Everyone has looked at someone other than their partner and had a little “hey, hmm, look at that! yummy!” kind of moment. The difference is that some people channel those thoughts and urges right back into their relationship and others act on their impulse. I say that swinging is gross and empty because it is something that even if it brings you closer initially, it will fail you in the end. Empty.
“Once upon a time people put the same connotations on gays, that they lived a sick and perverted lifestyle. I wonder if you are “one of those” too?”
Nope. I’m not “one of those.” One of my best friends is gay, I have relatives who are gay. The difference between being gay and being a swinger is that one of those things is a conscious choice that is being made.
“Monogamy was a form of ownership of women and didn’t extend to the male of
the relationship, marriage was about power and money and the consolidation of
both.”
Monogamy is between two people.
“Knock knock, it’s the 21st century and a lot of people have figured out that variety has altered our perception of romance, relationships and what is really important in life. Pick up a sociology book or even a science book- humans are NOT predisposed to be monogamous. It’s a choice and in this era there are more choices than ever and more information as well.I’m not telling anyone how to live or love and really, who is judge enough to do so?”
Knock knock – that’s cute. Yes, it is the 21st century. And your point is… what? Variety has altered our perception of “what is really important in life” …? What is important in life to you? What is this “more information” that you say is available? Please keep in mind that “perception” is not always the same thing as reality.
Yes, let’s pick up some books. I’ve picked up my share of sociology and science books. If you want to get scientific about things, it was the males who wanted to roam about, impregnating everything they saw. It was the females who tended to be monogamous in order to have protection for themselves and their babies. Males wanted them to be monogamous so they could be certain of their own offspring. There are many animal groups who do practice a sort of serial monogamy, in addition to those animals who really do mate for life and raise their offspring.
But let’s also pick up the bible and add a theological argument to the scientific one. Who did the humans start out with: Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Eve and Lisa. Not Adam and Eve and Lisa and Bill.
I’m not telling anyone how to live or love either. I am always interested to hear other people’s views. I have my opinions, and on my blog, they reign supreme. I understand full well that in society at large, my opinion matters very little. However, still I don’t think a swinger’s lifestyle should be promoted in a contest.
“Keep that in mind when you look at your gay friends. Unless, of course, you’re “one of those” and you don’t have any.”
-“Part Time Swinger”
“PS: Yes my girlfriend and I sometimes play around, but it’s not our whole lives. We’re not sick perverts and I’m sometimes amazed to find that our relationship is WAAAAAY stronger than that of our “regular” friends’, especially after 4 years. We deal in honesty, openess and truth and how many couples can you say that about???”
Honesty.
Openness.
Truth.
Honesty can be brutal. Openness is sometimes the opposite of intimacy. The truth can hurt.
You can have those things and still not have love, trust and security. You can have those things and still not have a best friend. You can have those things and still not be happy in your relationship.
By the way, I can say that most of the couples I know have all of these attributes.
And no one is fucking other people in order to achieve it.
Best of luck to you.
Mr. Part Time Swinger’s real problem, which he and his ilk will not admit, is that he does not like being judged, and that he much prefers being in a world where everything is relative and all opinions are to be respected. Screw that. Some things need to be judged, and this crap screams for it.
It is one thing to expect to be left alone in one’s own chosen alternative lifestyle. It is entirely another to flaunt the alternative lifestyle and expect not to be judged.
The fact is that even if Mr. Part Time Swinger and his girlfriend are truly wonderful examples of how sex with third parties is a good thing for an otherwise monogamous relationship, there are many, many listeners to KROQ who see this as a good way to have more sex with more partners and still claim to be “faithful.” Further, it is hard enough for any teen growing up and going through puberty and dealing with nascient sexuality. Stuff like this just makes it more difficult for a teen to sift through it all. To the extent Mr. Part Time Swinger actually has a valid point, it is very likely also a point lost on the vast majority of persons listening, most of whom are impressionable (and horny) teens. So the net result is nothing more than a further undermining of the moral fabric of our society.
Mr. V-Spot.
Your second to last sentence is my favorite. AND it practically made me fall out of my desk chair laughing. Well said my friend!
Loved it, V. EVERY WORD OF IT!
You were SPOT ON with your response, V.! I wanted to reach through my laptop screen and bitch slap that idiot man. There is right and there is wrong and he was 100% wrong in claiming his relationship was better for his swinging lifestyle. Sadly, I cannot imagine anyone taking this man seriously, ever. Once he leaves his current “squeeze”, who would want to know what kind of life he led? If he were honest, most women would run for the hills just knowing that he had done this in his past. I would. ICK!
As for KROQ backing and event like this, I’m appalled!
Good job on the comeback!
YAY!! Great Read! Loved this and a big THANK YOU for saying it so well 😉 Keep up the great work!!
AMEN SISTA! Thank you so much for addressing this issue and continuing to address it. I completly agree. And to Mr Viv-your awesome too, thanks!