I might very well be the only person on the planet who has not read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and has no plans whatsoever to see the movie. (Actually, that’s not true. My husband has no plans to do those things either, so there are at least two of us.)
ew.
Opening on Valentine’s Day, huh? I would rather see the new Spongebob movie. I’m not a prude…. for reals. I just happen to be a fan of healthy relationships. I also happen to be a fan of strong, mentally and emotionally healthy women.
Where are the extremists who are so ready to bristle at anything that could even slightly be construed as portraying women as weaker than men, as victims of men, as being taken advantage of by men? (Gloria Allred? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the movie… ) I’m so very confused by this cultural double standard. For example, the current university culture seems bent on persecuting young men, often with little evidence, or even after recanted accusations. Of course there should be consent, but the new norm on college campuses seems to be that of constant reaffirmation of that consent: Yes, I give consent. Yep… still consenting… yes. Yes, just reconfirming consent…
So if that’s the new normal for college campuses these days, it seems strange that 50 Shades of Grey is portraying the opposite (a young college student put in the position of being dominated by a man) and that it is so wildly popular and well received.
Dave Barry is one of my favorite writers and I just came across this year-old piece. I think he is hilariously on point.
So anyway, Anastasia and Christian meet, and he is of course attracted to her, although because of her walnut brain she can’t believe this despite the fact that, as I have already noted, every freaking person she meets is attracted to her. Christian starts stalking her and pressuring her to engage in—and I do not mean this to sound in any way judgmental—sicko pervert sex. He wants to tie her up with ropes, handcuffs, shackles, tape, etc. He wants to blindfold and gag her. He wants to spank her, whip her, flog her, cane her, paddle her, put nipple and genital clamps on her, bite her and use hot wax on her. We know this because he asks her to sign a contract agreeing to let him do these things to her. Yes! To be fair, the contract clearly states that there will be “no acts involving fire play . . . urination or defecation and the products thereof” and “no acts involving children or animals.” Because that’s the kind of old-fashioned cornball romantic Christian is.
What do you think Anastasia does when she sees this contract? Do you think she gets herself a restraining order and an industrial-sized drum of pepper spray, which would be the response of a normal sane woman or reasonably intelligent cocker spaniel? Not our Anastasia! Crap no! She decides to go right ahead and get into a sexual relationship with Christian even though she thinks he is a moody weirdo pervert.
I love you, Dave Barry.
Anyone else think this is an odd double standard and that the movie is a celebration of dysfunction…?
***UPDATED 8:30 pm PST 2/11/15: This is getting quite the dialogue going on social media. Based on a few of the comments, I feel the need to really clarify my point. Sexual assault is bad. It is bad whenever and wherever it happens. Whether it happens on a college campus or in a fictional character’s kinky playroom. Bad.
If Christian Grey did these things on a college campus, he would be charged with sexual assault before you could say “the safe word”. Additionally, if he did these things and she was a consenting participant, she would need to constantly reaffirm her consent.
My question is this: why the cultural double standard for this movie? I found these promotional movie posters where someone actually put text from the book onto them. It’s a creepy mash-up.
See more of this 50 shades of creepy movie posters here. Genius way to make a point!
Please imagine a college student saying that to his date. It would never fly. How can society be so ready to both condemn and to glorify sexual assault in the same breath?
Add me to your list. I have had no desire to read any of the books and even less to see the movie.
From the movie clips and what Dave Berry has said I surmise that she agrees based on his $$$. Everybody has a price.
Not alone, girlfriend! I am in total agreement with you!
You aren’t alone. Never read the books. Won’t see the movie.
I’m with you!
https://www.facebook.com/sharon.h.greenthal/posts/10205111810651481?pnref=story
Preach. I haven’t read the books and I’m not going to, and I’m not going to see the movie. Totally with you. P.S. I love Dave Barry, too.
I haven’t read the books and don’t intend to see the movie. Having a hard time understanding why premiering this movie on Valentine’s Day weekend could possibly considered a romantic date for loving couples to enjoy. I am totally content to spend this weekend celebrating my 21st wedding anniversary (12th) and Valentines Day with my wonderful husband and four of our grandchildren!!
I know, right? I had the same reaction. It’s not like this book (which I actually have read, because my sweet husband saw on some TV show that women loved the book and bought it for me to have something to read after a surgery) is a classic romance. It’s incredibly poorly written. And Vivienne is right…it’s not a healthy relationship, and the fact that it’s not being criticized as abusive reminds me of the double standard applied to conservative females. Where are the feminists?
Not read the books and not seeing the movie!
Add me to your list! I haven’t read the books, and I don’t plan on seeing the movie either. I just don’t understand the appeal when you boil it down to such a warped relationship!
It’s fantasy. I’ve read all 3 books twice. It’s a story of you’re right a relationship which is out of the ordinary. I am a mother of 3 boys and have a loving relationship with my husband. It’s not just about a man controlling a woman, it’s also a love story. It’s allowing the individual to just let go, to enjoy all aspects of sex. Read the book before you judge it. Just let go.
This is a women’s movie I haven’t read the book I’m not going to see the movie I don’t care to see/read sex stuff I am in a happy healthy relationship with my husband of 28 yrs
I read 1/2 of the first book and didn’t like it. It’s just filth.
Thank you!! Seriously I really do not get how it can be so popular and how there aren’t a million people out there shouting about how it is the exact opposite of what so many are fighting for! I have not read, nor will I read and definitely will not see the movies.
If you haven’t read the books, then how are you able to form an opinion on them? By not reading them and then giving your opinion it has no merit. Read them and you will see it isn’t about domination. You will read about the internal struggle of a young man who finds a woman interesting and who falls in love with her almost immediately (his first and only love). Anastasia finds him equally intriguing and as the story goes on you will see how much she helps him overcome his troubling past (and not through bdsm.) You will also note that as it is stated several times throughout the books that the submissive has all the power in the relationship. I read all the books, I didn’t find them particularly well written but I did find them engaging enough to finish the series.
Julie!!! This is amazing. I could never find yhe worss to explain this to people but you have said it so perfectly!
Julie, I have read the books and in my opinion the so-called love story will give wrong ideas to any woman in an abusive relationship. Instead of standing up for themselves and leaving the abuser they might think how Anastasia’s love healed Grey. And they might think if they love their abuser even more, he will be healed too. But it is not true. These things never happen in real life. I have seen very abusive relationship from very close and I say – run! There is nothing in the world that will make it change. Staying makes only broken people and it breaks their kids too.
Satan is alive, and well on planet Earth. This is why the wrath of God is coming.
Isn’t that the truth! It’s disturbing what is culturally acceptable now. What is wrong with tender love that wants to inflict no harm?
I don’t have a problem with the subject material as such, it’s just the fact that the books are so poorly written, unimaginative and repetitive which gets my goat. I’m sorry but they really are! I was hooked on the first one, bored by the second and couldn’t finish the third because I just got so fed up of reading the same sex scenes repeated over and over. I do however agree with Julie’s comment that the characters are indeed compelling and it is that side of it which kept me reading but it is the sheer poor quality of the written text which has left me with no wish to see the movie, not the subject matter.
In response to those who think I can’t judge if I haven’t read the books, I’d say that I don’t have to have “relations” with a dog to know that it is wrong and perverted; I have heard enough about it to know that it does not represent a loving, caring, healthy relationship. Ditto on the book.
Agreed. The whole “I love him even though he’s a total psycho” is pretty disturbing.
I read a small amount of the first one, just to see what the fuss was all about. Turns out, the fuss was about a poorly written porno.
I’m still not sure how something so explicit went mainstream. The books/movie seem like something that should be found in the back room of a seedy liquor store.
I guess that’s why they’re so popular. It’s much classier to buy your porn at Barnes & Noble! 😉
I’m sorry, I can barely see your 50 Shades argument because of this:
“For example, the current university culture seems bent on persecuting young men, often with little evidence, or even after recanted accusations. Of course there should be consent, but the new norm on college campuses seems to be that of constant reaffirmation of that consent”
Are you really poking fun at the current movement to hold men accountable for rampant sexual assault? Did you really just discuss said sexual assault by focusing on “persecuting young men” and what you imply is a silly focus on consent instead of ON THE PROBLEM OF ASSAULT ITSELF?
I find that really alarming.
Julie, thank you for your comment. My point on all of this is that if the things that “Christian Grey” does to “Anastasia Steele” happened on any of our country’s college campuses he would now be committing a sexual assault.
Sexual assault is nothing to poke fun at, nor is it an accusation to be tossed around indiscriminately. In an effort to protect women on college campuses, all young men are now at risk of being accused of sexual assault, even if it did not actually happen. (And even if the accusation is later recanted.)
Hi V – just to let you know myself and a lot of my female friends did not read the book and are also not interested in watching the movie. In a country like South Africa which has one of the highest rate of abuse against women and children and where somebody gets raped every few seconds, I think the “ripple effect” of this book will probably never be known, which is a very scary thought to me… Just saying.
Thank you for your comment, Lindie. That is a scary thought. 🙁
Society/ the media- is it 2 warring camps, or just people so incredibly hypocritical or conflicted they can’t have integrity? You are not alone. Not reading, not watching, not buying the teddy bear. I usually just quietly boycott but I think people should speak up about how disgusting this is.
I agree with you completely and have not read the books and am not planning on seeing the movie either. I will not glorify or support something like this EVER!!
I have not heard of the books or movie but based on the description on the poster, all I can see is SICK!!! I won’t be seeing the movie.
thank you for your blog! haven’t read the books nor will myself or hubby see it. so very sad that it’s getting so much buzz. so many times people try to make wrong things good and good things bad! thanks for taking a stand.
Hmmm…my reply was to Annette Deardurff way up there at #6. Sorry, Lorene, it doesn’t make as much sense in response to your comment. 🙂
I’m in the gang, too, as is a lot of the world population.
And to people who say “how can you judge without having read”…
I have the opinion as well. People need to make an educated judgment.
But I don’t need to read all the books in a series of books to know it’s bad. If the story doesn’t manage to capture me and keep me captivated, it’s not a good story. 50SOG is one of these stories. Life is too short to read bad books, and it’s enough to read the first chapter to know if it’s a good book or a bad book. How do I know that? I have read bad books, because until I was 30 I had the opinion of that if I start reading, I need to read the whole book. When I was 30, I had learned to speed read, and was able to read a whole book in minutes. And not one of the books I thought weren’t good after having read the first chapter, surprised me in the later. So, if I’m losing something for believing in my own judgment based on the first chapter and the opinion of the people who have read the books, then be it so.
Things I do not believe in
* The classic romance novel scene of a man not having loved anyone, having been in bad relationships, being emotionally damaged by those relationships, falling in love with a young woman, who isn’t especially attractive, in her own mind, but whom everyone else finds really intriguing, beautiful and sexy. For example, a man who was made a vampire when he was 17, “lives” decades without ever being much interested in anyone, and then gets a whiff of an irresistible scent of a young woman, and falls passionately in love…
* “she helps him”, she saves him, through the power of LOVE! The Beauty and The Beast scenario. “I can change him!” she says. “I will love him so much that he can’t but change! I will be his savior and messiah, and he will love me forever!”
Pure bull.
Also, a lot of people have expressed that this book has “saved” their marriage, as after reading the book, the power balance has changed, and “now the husband is a Real Man, dominant, demanding and decisive”. And if there’s some ropes and whips involved, all the better.
“it is stated several times throughout the books that the submissive has all the power in the relationship.”
That’s how it is. But it’s not true with Christian’s and Anastasia’s relationship, so it doesn’t matter how many times it’s stated in the book. It should show, too.
“Take real life quotes from an abusive relationship and see if people can tell the difference between them and the book”, said someone.
But she consents! She signed the paper!
So it’s OK for Christian to threaten her, be verbally and socially abusive, extend the domination outside the bedroom, fuck her in every corner and car and toilet available, punish her for anything and everything he might have objections to, talk to her as if she was a child and/or stupid – he treats her OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM in a manner that no sane woman would accept from a lover. I would be 100% convinced of that he doesn’t LOVE me, he doesn’t even know what it means to love!
And then I think of the millions of women, some young, who read this book and BELIEVE he loves her… and who will believe the “perfect guy, just like Christian” who finds them and puts them through that kind of treatment, and they will start to believe that they ARE stupid, childish, worthless, not able to do anything right, and all that comes with that kind of treatment, believing that “but he loves me… and one day my love will change him and he’ll be grateful because I saved him!”
Women have been killed for that. Women have been abused, raped, beaten etc. for that. Women have been humiliated in front of their kids, who grow up believing women ought to be beaten, humiliated, raped, because that’s what “love” is. That’s how their parents “loved” each other. Mommy never left dad, because they LOVE each other, and that excuses any abuse! Love is holy, love is sacred!
And these people won’t ever know that that is not love.
Interesting characters? Possible. Doesn’t outweigh the bad writing and the ideas presented in the book.
Of course there’s an audience, and I’m happy someone managed to get rich by writing. That’s good news to me. But it’s also bad news, because I could never have written this book nor Twilight. The attitudes expressed go so much against my beliefs, that even when I try, I write satire.
Also, if you liked the books and went to see the movie and liked it, good for you. But I’m sure there are books and movies you don’t appreciate. Try to remember that those books and movies have fans, too, and that love is just as incomprehensible to you as your preference of 50SOG is to us.
Wow. Thank you so much for your insightful comments!
Just found you!! I must admit I did read the books but have no intentions of seeing the movie. When my 18 year old daughter started the discussion with “What is that girl nuts?” “Mom, you know he stalked her and then raped her because she said no and he kept doing it?” I must let you know she did not read the books and she has no intention of viewing the movie. My daughter will go off to college in September and I must say I am sure she will voice her opinion on many matters. Smart girl of mine.
I didn’t read or watch it either!
I would like to encourage all of you really like your blog.
I don’t know why anyone would even write this. I wouldn’t want to read or see it. With all the stuff going on with gion gomeshki and with Cosby, don’t understand why everyone isn’t blocking this movie and book????
Good point regarding the subject matter of your post. There’s an awful lot of mixed messages filtrating this world. I certainly will not be seeing the movie, nor reading the book. Besides, why on earth should I be knowing the goings-on in someone else’s bedroom? Creepy.
Agree Vivienne. I’m sick of hearing about the movie on every talk show in America. I am raising three teenage boys and it’s horrible that American media is portraying this as sexy, fun, flirtatous and ok; I have to shield my children from hearing about it and God help the children whose parents let them see it and the result being them thinking this would be a healthy relationship with a future wife.
I am with you…..I’m not sure why any self-loving women would ever think that book/movie are anything but abusive and degrading….
Not seeing or reading 50 Shades. I did read The Story of O. Written by a woman who escaped from a similar relationship. The thing is the S&M starts small and escalates as the partners need to go further as they become ‘used to’ whatever activity. By the end of the book, the man did something that made the woman bleed and we, and she, realize that this is not going to end well for her. Like many addictions, more is required in order to satisfy the need. So be careful that any experimentation doesn’t creep into this dangerous area.
Add me to the list. I haven’t seen this film or read the book. I have to admit such a relationship does sound unhealthy. It does remind me of a movie I reviewed in my college days, 9 1/2 Weeks. At the time it evoked the same media attention. Storyline man meets woman, introduces her to kinky sex, she is not sure if he is wacky or dangerous, but plays along. Eventually she comes to her senses and wants out. At this point, kinky man says “I love you.” Heroine decides love had nothing to do with it and walks off into the sunset.
Warning: Be careful out there.
That was really a disgusting movie, i haven’t read the book yet and i really do not want to even think of that book.