Scene: Kohl’s Department Store. I had just finished standing in a line in order to make a return at the customer service counter. This line began in a walkway with candles and house wares on one side and lingerie on the other. While waiting in line with Grant, my attention had been drawn to the […]
Is that Stinky Eyeball for me? Thanks!
Mitch had a play-off baseball game Friday night. I got there late. It was the top of the 5th and our team was up by 5. Looks good to me. And by the way, even if they were down by 5, we’re talking 11 and 12 year olds. This shouldn’t be white-knuckle seriousness… It’s Little […]
My son, Billy Mays….
This post contains Amazon or other affiliate links. Grant and I were just in our local Target. He is riding in the cart, pointing out the things he has seen advertised on TV. “Look! For kissable lips!” “Takes care of mildew stains!” “Look…..” “Mom!!!! Look!!! A Ped-Egg!!!!” (at full volume…) “Grant. You do not need […]
Don’t read this if you’re eating. (Or about to.) (Or just finished eating.)
Grant, from the bathroom: “Mom!? When I have golden poop, I just move it out of the way. Do you know golden poop?” Mom, from the living room (and worried feces are being rearranged in some horrible, horrible manner): “Stay there, don’t move, I’m coming in there…. What do you mean?” “Do you know the […]
Beef. It’s what was GOING to be for dinner.
I hosted bunco at my house last night. I love to entertain, whether it is simply a couple of friends popping in for a visit, a potluck, a big dinner, whatever. I love to cook. I love to see my family and friends. Mostly? I love that having people over makes me clean my house. […]
Is there a Kindergarten class specifically for stinkers?
My 5 year old is in the doghouse. Why, you ask? Did he write on the walls? No. Although he’s done that before. Did he write on the bathroom mirror with toothpaste and his finger? No. Although he’s done that, too. Did he completely thrash his room? Well he has, but no, no, that’s not […]
Overheard at lunch today…
My precious 5 year old has learned a snippet of some inappropriate song. Grant is singing “I looooove feelin’ dirty! I loooove feelin’ cheap! I looooove feelin’ dirty! I loooove feelin’ cheap!” over and over, like a broken record. Jump on into my nightmare. The water’s warm. ~~~~ UPDATE ~~~~~ Just found out what it […]
I’d fire him, but that’s what he wants.
The instructions: Conner, please go hang up your ski jacket. The result. Um, not exactly what I had in mind. I was thinking more along these lines: After yesterday’s lunch money, bike crashing, ripped shorts, “parallel to the park” debacle, I had been hoping the rip in the shorts was small and on a seam. […]
Handsome Hubby drew the short straw this morning.
Conner will not get out of bed in the morning.He has AC-DC’s Back In Black album in his CD alarm clock… Blaring.Nope. He’ll lay there, bleary eyed and listening, but he won’t get out of bed. He’s gotten up to “make his bed” (can you see my “air quotes” here?) but all he does is […]
Friday Night Follies (Authors, Chardonnay and Choking Hazards)
I saw Jen Lancaster on Friday night!!! Yes! THE Jen Lancaster! She is the incredibly funny, acerbic wit behind: BITTER IS THE NEW BLACK – Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG ASS – A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl’s Guide […]
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